Ipple-Pen Diary. Old Gimmer Winter

Winter, bloody winter and as the days get shorter and the evenings get longer there is a morbid and depressing forecast of what the season is about to bring.

At least one Ipplepen “Old Gimmer” feels the changes in the season more than most with his own individual feelings of despair at the thought of the arrival of the jollification festive season.

He finds the whole thing so futile and depressing he has even cosidered volunteering to work on a help line on the basis that listening to other people’s misery and problems might at the very least cheer him up.

The problem is being the miserable sod that he is it wouldn’t be long before he would start to question why the organisation shouldn’t make a profit (even a small one) from listening to other people’s woes and problems.

Why not automate the system?

It works for satellite navigation systems and you could have celebrity voices, though hearing a John Cleese voice saying,

If you are feeling suicidal Press 1

If you are trying to phone a chat line Press 2

If you are just trying to waste some time Press 3

Would probably send them over the edge as would putting them on “all our lines are busy” hold whilst playing the funeral march or last post in the background none of which would give any indication of understanding, sympathy or empathy with the callers.

Of course if the Ipplepen “Old Gimmer” could be put on a line that required nothing more than talking a whole load of bollocks and balderdash they couldn’t find a better candidate as many who frequent the Welly and Con Club could testify.

Counselling then to relieve the misery and futility of the winter months for the “Old Gimmers” is perhaps not the answer because of his and their lack of counselling talents and abilities, and especially their ability to listen.

Having said that if you watch the Ipplepen “Old Gimmers” at breakfast in the Welly on a Saturday morning when the conversation inevitably turns to the subject of how much longer they’ve got on this earth there is one talent they all have which is remarkable.

What is it you ask….. well it is the ability when bored to be able to yawn with their mouth closed.