Ipple-Pen Diary. War Problem Solved

War Problem Solved

I suppose like everyone else (except that is their died in the wool supporters) I wonder when after all of the protests Donald Trump and Boris Johnston experience just about everywhere they go when will they throw the towel in and stop attempting to be tyrannical right wing dictators of the old school and try instead something more akin to their talents.

Perhaps they could try their hand at being stand-up comedians on the Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Baghdad, Iran comedy circuit where I’m sure their past comments and attitudes towards foreign nations and people would go down a bomb.

One thing I’m pretty sure of is that when they are both eventually (and inevitably) expelled from power it will be celebratory drinks all round in hostelries across many nations.

In the Wellie of course it will all depend on whether there is any football on the television.

The Wellie regulars would much prefer to watch any number of sporting repeats rather than listen to politicians spouting their well rehearsed sound bites.

They would even prefer watching a repeat of the Gulf War (both Part 1 and 2) with added explosions and special effects if possible just to enhance the experience.

The biggest fear of course is that with Trump and Johnston in charge we may end up with yet another sequel to be named Gulf War 3 directed by two of the worlds most incompetent leaders who I fancy will also want to write the script.

Which should be interesting given their total lack of military experience or knowledge.

It will be a conflict in which they will commit their countries participants to the reality of a war in a plot against Iran in which as far as they are concerned the Iranian forces are only included to add a little local colour to the event.

And how could it fail, after all won’t they have God on their side?

Which will be just as well as the body bags and coffins draped with the national flags start returning home.

There will be film crews from all around the world waiting around for the result of what the people will be told will be a swift, clinical and surgical one-sided fight and the glorifying speeches from Trump and Johnston.

Except of course a Gulf/Iran War 3 will not be a planned, programmed made-for-TV show but a bloody messy and prolonged conflict that will result in the level of ‘collateral damage’ through a rise in terrorism around the world.

Perhaps the United Nations should become involved, and when I say involved I really mean do what it is there to do and take bloody charge of the madness in the world.

Now I know that those of us who live in the South West are considered to be country bumpkins but perhaps – just perhaps – our simpleness is nothing more than unrecognised genius.

So this is the suggestion from Ipplepen….

United Nations to meet…

1. Secretary General’s Statement… “There is only one item on the agenda”

2. Apologies… None

3. Motion… ‘We agree to stop killing each other’

4. Show of hands (Majority wins)

5. No other Business

6. Tea and biscuits

7. Meeting closed

Right back to the football………

Another pint of ‘Doom Bar’ please.