Ipple-Pen Diary. Summer Ritual

Spring has ended and summer has arrived so having let the sap get into full flow it is not only the birds and bees whose thoughts have turned to procreation so has the young fellows thoughts.

In fact it becomes at this time of year so strong not even a lengthy and prolonged session of colonic irrigation would put him off the subject of searching to resolve the issue.

Summer the season when acres of hitherto hidden bare flesh suddenly appears driving young (and not so young) men into a situation of sexual frustration.

Of course there are many ways to relieve the encroaching sexual imperative –

You can get and stay incredibly drunk whilst remaining at home (alone) with a couple of cases of beer which if judiciously consumed at the rate of one a hour would see two whole days vanish into the past.

As for sex………….the village drunk can always find comfort somewhere on the internet and manage to complete the whole nasty and unpleasant business over in less than 6 minutes (probably even quicker if it is performed with another human being).

For those young men who delight in being submissive and dominated they will just have to go on being disappointed unless that is they know of someone in the village who has a dark secret and a dungeon full of the paraphernalia to carry out the process.

There is of course always the “sex bore” who talks a good game whilst standing at the bar of the Welly boasting of his conquests but lets face it the sight of “Jessica Rabbit” quickens the blood to his nether regions as he contemplates and drools over his perfect woman.

The introverted educated young man has settled for a more refined and sedate venture into sexual awareness and exploration by seeking to have a well balanced lifelong loving relationship (good luck with that young man) and has placed an advertisement in the Post Office window.

I suspect many a young man in Ipplepen no matter how hard they try may well end up – like all young men down the ages before them – going home alone where what they do in private is ….. well….. nobody’s business but theirs.

For those who in the modern hoof speak “do pull” or at least reach the point where they think they have there is always a deep sense of frustration when the girl responds with “there’s no way I’ll be sleeping with you no matter what you say”.

If he persists there is a very great probability his attempts will be met with a well aimed and swift kick to his balls.

I suppose his reaction as he later looks at the affect with admiration may well be “please take away the pain but leave the swelling”

Who knows the frustrated young man may even at this time of dire need start to consider whether Tantric Sex may be an option though I suspect he will not only not find spiritual enlightenment but an increase in his frustration.

In the meanwhile the Ipplepen Old Gimmers look on with amusement at the mating rituals half remembering what it was like for them decades ago and wondering how the bloody hell they ever persuaded anyone to sleep with them never mind marry and have children.

The summer has arrived and how we love it.