Mr and Mrs Middle England
It is difficult to provide a description of Mr and Mrs Middle England in these turbulent times but I suppose the nearest you could come to it is to describe them as someone who has a flawed view of risk assessments allied to the paranoia of a morbid imagination.
So what are Mr and Mrs Middle England paranoid about……well to start with they believe (no matter what the evidence might show) that the world is a seriously and increasingly dangerous place where violence is now routinely being committed on the streets of our villages, towns and cities.
Mr and Mrs Middle England are no longer working or even middle class but people whose risk assessment of the modern world is that everyone has it in for them.
They lock their doors and windows every night and switch on the latest sophisticated burglar alarms before snuggling down under their multiple TOG duck and down duvets in the belief that it will resist even the sharpest blade of a mad axeman.
And if they survive through the dark and fearful night what does the new day bring except more fear and worry that behind every corner is lurking a robber who for weeks has been stalking them waiting for an opportunity to pounce.
Incidentally what is it with men (usually middle aged) who think its cool to wear military camouflaged trousers with a day-glow hi-viz top?
Why only hide their bottom half ?
Surely they must be aware of how ridiculous they look so why not conceal all of themselves preferably by staying off the streets.
All of Mr and Mrs Middle England’s paranoia of course is a boon and absolute joy to the media and especially the press who simply love to both stereotype and sensationalise cultural groups pitting each of them one against the others.
On the positive side the fears and paranoia of Mr and Mrs Middle England of being mugged and /or murdered in their beds prevents them looking to closely at those who govern us and doesn’t give them the time or energy to mount a revolution against the establishment.
Ipplepen is very much a village where Mr and Mrs Middle England would feel at home except for one little problem …. Ipplepen doesn’t have a major, or even big crime problem though someone stole the lock from the allotment gate which has caused a furore in certain quarters.
The big problem facing Mr and Mrs middle England is recognising and accepting (not around here it doesn’t) that the level of violence they may encounter is not on the streets but in people own homes.
Yes locking the doors and windows keeps the prospective burglars out but it also locks the domestic tyrants in allowing violence and abuse to be carried out with a level of impunity away from the prying eyes of the neighbours and community.
If they went on the evidence alone Mr and Mrs Middle England would perhaps realise that when it comes to violence it isn’t strangers that they should be worried about but those closer to home by those who should be nurturing and protecting them.
But as I make my way to the Welly I’ll content myself that as what I suppose would be classified as being a Mr Middle England I’ll put two fingers up to the media, refuse to be paranoid and continue to pass polite greetings to strangers as I pass them in the street.