A couple of weeks ago in the little South Devon Village where I now live with Liz my long suffering wife of 34 years there was a ‘scare crow’ competition that attracted some brilliant entries.
It got me thinking that I should build – not a scarecrow but something similar – a monument of effigies to show my commitment and patriotism to the United Kingdom.
The question is who do I make the effigies of?
Certainly not Winston Churchill – he is well gone, resigned to history – it can’t be to the Queen or Royal Family because the republicans would be up in arms so who should be my new heroes?
Apparently serving in the Royal Navy for 23 years isn’t enough to prove you love the United Kingdom and to erect a flag pole and fly the Union Flag also wouldn’t be enough to convince some of our leading politicians.
It seems the only way to go according to those proud Brits of immense political and moral stature such as Andrea Leadsom, Boris Johnstone, David Davies, Theresa May and Liam Fox is to somehow demonstrate my patriotism by getting 100% behind Brexit.
This would also serve to demonstrate to such honest and upstanding main stream media outlets as The Sun and Daily Mail that I am at least – even though only one individual – absolutely committed to these wonderful British Islands.
I have to confess it came as a shock to find out that those “negotiating” Brexit – I use the term “negotiating” in its loosest possible definition – openly believe that those of us who have no faith in them are actually being treasonous.
It worried me so much that I had to go and check to make sure I couldn’t be recalled to the Royal Navy and tried under some ancient treason against the crown act.
The good news is I can’t and anyway at my age a life sentence may not be all that long.
Anyway as a result of having my patriotism severely challenged I have decided that I must find a way of recovering my self-respect.
After all aren’t these the darkest days since 1939 when Britain stood alone against the might of Europe – OK not all of the continent but certainly one which at the time was under the cosh – so I’ll stand ready to repel the economic onslaught from the other 27 members of the European Union.
It means of course that any criticism of the May Government will have to be carried out in secret and in back rooms under the cloak of darkness to avoid being caught by the ‘patriotism police’ those dreaded Brexiteers.
Bugger I’ve given the game away.
Careless talk – and blogs – may well cost lives or at least it will cost livelihoods within the UK.
It seems that my belief in parliamentary democracy being well organised and having a plan should the outcome of the European Referendum Vote go the way it has was slightly over optimistic.
Pointing out that those now negotiating Brexit actually lied to get the result they wanted without having a plan is apparently not what a true patriotic democrat does.
The fact that the combined number of people who didn’t vote or voted against “Leave” is regarded by the Brexiteers as irrelevant is something you dare not mention because by doing so all you are doing is highlighting just how undemocratic and therefore how unpatriotic you are.
Anyway I have like Winston Smith learned the errors of my ways and will work towards bringing about peace between the “Remainers” and “Brexiteers” by trying to convince the former that at a time of international instability we should all pull in the same direction.
To do anything else would not only be unpatriotic but akin to treachery of the nation at a time of national crisis.
It does no good going on about how incompetent David Davies, Theresa May and their band of ardent Brexiteers are – even if true as it certainly is (Bugger unpatriotic again) – when the extinction of the United Kingdom is at stake.
Where would we have been if such an attitude had been held in 1940 – bloody hell fire just think about it – Dunkirk and especially the evacuation would have been an absolute disaster of biblical proportions and there certainly wouldn’t have been a film made of it.
It is said that the price of avocados, aubergines and kiwi fruits as well as other staple foods for MPs and the rich will rise because of Brexit so I hope the fact that along with friends I have an allotment – not unlike that of Jeremy Corbyn who according to the Conservatives is a threat to national security – on which we are growing vegetables.
When the Dig for Victory signs of the Second World War are reissued following Brexit I guess it will be my patriotic duty to share our produce with those less fortunate and one that I am fully prepared to carry out.
And so I’ve found my effigies to patriotic 21st Century United Kingdom.
I’ll construct a model of the White Cliffs of Dover with a wall on top behind which I’ll place models of those ultimate patriotic 2017 Brits, May, Leadsom, Johnston and Fox urging Davies to go over the top to take on those dastardly continental hordes.
Is that patriotic enough?
If it isn’t then f*** it – I’m off to the pub