Skinny Jeans Police?


Skinny Jeans Police?

As someone who was brought up as a young child in the post war austerity years of the 50’s where boys had to wear shorts to school until they were 11 (embarrassing?, not really because we were all the same) and those long forgotten rough serge wool grey school shirts that left a red welt around your neck the subject of this article to some may appear to be odd.

Of course the benefits of being a young boy in the 50’s was that I was a teenager throughout the 60’s with bell-bottom coloured trousers, long hair and two inch heeled, that’s 5.5cm to the youth, or should that be ‘yoof’ of today, Chelsea boots, and as the saying goes,

“If you can remember the 60’s, you weren’t there”, or more precisely perhaps, it was a time those of us who were there would, for a variety of reason, prefer not to talk about in too much detail.

After all many of us are parents and grandparents.

By the way kids we weren’t born this age.

Just saying….

Oh how our parents must have dispaired, and as I’ve written before about how me, my four brothers and one sister were army brats, in other words children of a professional soldier, so you can only imagine his reaction to sky blue jeans, high heeled boots and long hair..

Anyway the point is this, because of my own fashion experiences I never ever make comment about what people are wearing or what they look like.

It is a huge point of contention at home because they know asking me what I think about what they are wearing is invariably met with silence and a dumb look that wouldn’t be out of place on Pooh Bear.

Thankfully they, and by they, I really mean Liz has stopped asking, her only continuing request is that I notice when she has had her hair done which she has got around by now informing me on the actual day when she is having it done so I’ll remember, which means as soon as she comes through the door I can say, with genuine feeling,

“Your hair looks nice”.

Those amateur dramatic classes at school haven’t gone totally to waste.

Anyway back to the subject, I never comment, that is until the other day when we stopped off at the Leigh Delamere Service Station on the M4 for coffee when I suddenly realised I’m turning into dad.

As we sat talking, and I admit people watching, I was suddenly struck by the number of young people male and female, everyone is apparently young compared to me according to our daughter Rachel, who for some reason climbed out of bed and suddenly thought overnight that they were built like a size zero fashion models.

What gave it away?

Skinny Jeans, or that’s what Liz informs me they are called.

Surely and I know we are in a period of sustained austerity and that our high streets and shopping centres are suffering, but really shouldn’t whoever sell ‘skinny jeans’ be duty bound if only for the sake of common decency to say,

“Do you know Miss, Ms, Sir, Lad – whatever – you really shouldn’t”

Who looks in a mirror and says, yum yum tight skinny jeans over fat legs with a ‘muffin top’ (another term I’ve just learned, no wonder this fashion lark is complicated it has a language all of its own) I really look good, or

Who looks in a mirror and thinks great skinny jeans, my legs look as if they have less meat on them than the chicken drumstick I had for lunch.

It was this, after 32 years of married silence on fashion that caused me to say to Liz, ‘there really has to be a fashion police’ who should have one of those airport hand baggage sizing contraptions modified and which those who want to buy skinny jeans should be made to stand in to see if they are anthropometrically suitable for them.

It was a rant that even Jeremy Hardy, who I believe is one of the greatest ranters of all time would have been proud and needless to say Liz found it highly amusing not the least by pointing out that the first thing they would do is stop me wearing hats.

Now for those who know me they know I actually like and do wear hats.

When I say hats I don’t mean baseball caps, which I do wear, and while I’m on the subject do they really make ones designed to be worn with the peak at the back?

I mean proper hats, with a brim and a crown, hats that are called trilbies, just like those you see, if you are interested that is, worn in Black and White newsreels and films of the 40’s and 50’s.

OK I know the trilby was around long before the 40’s and 50’s but I wasn’t so there.

It appears that men wearing hats went out of fashion sometime in the 50’s when it seemed to me they all wore them perhaps because they wanted to look like Frank Sinatra or Jimmy Cagney, I don’t know but as times changed so did wearing hats.

The question is of course why comment at all, as fashion changes skinny jeans will morph into baggy trousers or something else and like me and my hats there will be a few who will stick with them.

The difference is of course that once you reach a certain age your head size remains constant, the same cannot be said for the rest of the body, so sod it,

bad leggings tights

I want to see a skinny jeans fashion police and while I’m on a roll white pants with black leggings do not look good on anyone at anytime.