When this was first published I actually started with a disclaimer, but given the Self proclaimed Great Leaders photo fest this week is no longer necessary. It has also been amended slightly to provide a photo of his real identity. Enjoy
Disclaimer – This is a fictional article that some may consider is based on reality.
The exchange takes place in the Great Leaders office at the Municipal Corporation Guildhall between the Great Leader (GL) and Personal Spin Advisor (PSA).
The Great Leader sits in the largest chair in his room with the newly installed curtains drawn to prevent his adoring public from looking upon him until they are summoned. He looks around at the new primary school size chairs he has recently bought to accentuate the height of his position when meeting those subservient to him, and smiles contentedly at his adoration.
Enter into the room the newly appointed Personal Spin Advisor, bowing slightly forward as instructed in the position of humility that he has mirrored on his other hero, the ever so humble Uriah Heep of Dickens David Copperfield not the great rock band of the same name.
PSA speaks. “Good morning great leader, I trust the day finds you well and that your adoring public have not accosted you on your way to your throne”
GL responds, “Go lowly advisor type person whose name I have forgotten, go get the camera whilst I prepare to make my daily appearance to the public”
PSA leaves, bowing continually – as he shuffles backwards towards the door.
PSA speaks in tone of admiration as he leaves, “Oh my leader – your humbleness at such appearances is something that those of lowly station such as myself and your other serfs is something that elevates you to the greatness you have achieved”
PSA returns with a look of terror, shaking violently and prostrates himself before the GL sobbing uncontrollably he cries out,
“Oh my leader, my great leader, forgive me, a disaster has alighted on this your poor personal wretch, the camera my great leader has been stolen”
There is a stunned silence, the great leader goes pale, starts to shake and sweat in a way that is only usually seen on heroin addicts undergoing a ‘cold turkey’ withdrawal programme.
GL rises from his chair and stands over the prostrate PSA and howls
“The camera has gone? What will my public do? How will they adore me without the camera? You wretched person, it is your responsibility, it is your fault – how much do you cost me for such incompetence – the wonderful people will want to know”
PSA responds in a quiet but confident tone,
“Oh my darling, sweet and gracious great leader, I only cost the miserly sum of £35,000 a year, and do not concern yourself over this unimportant detail for the money is provided for your use by your adoring public and is a sign of their devotion and great love for you”
GL looks down at the PSA and asks in a wonderment type tone, “My admiring public pay you £35,000 a year?”
Before he can go on the PSA interrupts, but feeling a little bolder he rises to a kneeling position before the GL fixing his eyes firmly on the GL belt line still fearful of making eye contact.
“No great leader, the total is my poor pitiful salary and the cost of my ‘gold plated pension’ that you so graciously allow me to have”
GL looks stunned, “But have I not condemned such pensions and rewards to public servants and banished them forever from my land and all of my servants”?
PSA speaks with gaining confidence, “You have great leader, and what a wonderful and great policy and decision it is – and your personal servants are wholly united in thanking you for excluding them from the policy”
GL – “Good, you will learn my inferior simple personal advisor that it is necessary to reward those who are wholly united in their love and admiration of you – but now we need to find the camera – Go fetch a policeman”
PSA starts to shiver and sinks back into a head bowed position whilst kneeling in front of the GL, “dear great leader, master of all you survey, beloved by all of the people I cannot send for a policeman since you so commendably and graciously donated the money so kindly given to you by the peasants who pay tax to pay for my ever so humble position – there being no need for police in your domain where you are the leader greatly admired by all”
GL relaxes, turns his back on the kneeling PSA and looks out of the window on the minions scurrying about outside, “Of course faithful advisor and what great value it must seem to the public to know that their heroic leader has a personal advisor to manage his image”
“Arise personal serf and go forthwith and purchase a camera – make haste – for my public will not have experienced such a length of time as the one hour since my photograph has appeared in the media”
“GO – GO NOW”
PSA rises keeping his eyes on the floor for fear of being blinded by the light emanating from the Great Leader and hurriedly leaves the room.
GL sits in his chair, extinguishing the light, and leans back thinking to himself, ‘my personal spin adviser works so hard I think I’ll get him an assistant to look after the camera, it is very difficult to work so tirelessly – I’m so glad the public understand are happy to pay’
The PSA returns and takes a photograph of the Great Leader which he immediately publishes for the adoring public to gaze upon in wonderment at his regal and all encompassing appearance and personality.
I am the Great Leader