If I Accepted – Bugger Off Part Two

Offer of Utopia - No Thankyou
Offer of Utopia – No Thank-you

If I Accepted – Bugger Off Part Two

Once again in clearing all of the Spam from my public NBC email account I got to thinking about all of the “wonderful things and opportunities” on offer.

I would be able to go on a luxury ‘Secret Escape’ for only 30% of the original cost which for the mathematicians and potential Chancellors amongst you is a saving of 70%.

I’ve actually seen the advert on the tele and it hasn’t really grabbed me as a secret when you’re likely to be faced with a television crew filming adverts.

And where are the crinkly’s in the advert?

So no thanks.

Which leaves me with staying at home and the domestic chores, (Yes I am apparently a modern -ish man) where I would be able to protect my clothes in the kitchen with a FREE Nutella Apron from ‘Free Stuff World’ and the opportunity to win a £50 Boots Gift Card.

No nothing yet.

So sorry and no thanks.

My finances would apparently be greatly improved by applying for a Credit Card or Loan from a number of providers.

I can have a Platinum Credit Card or Aqua Card that ONLY charges an annual APR of 32.9% or take a ‘Quick Cash’ or ‘Cash Hunter’ loan which according to the blurb is very reasonable with an APR in the region of 1734%!!!

Seriously 1734%.

It makes the blood boil, but thank you for the offer and No thanks.

Not Now, Not ever.

Of course if I accepted the financial offers I would be well provided for in accepting those to get £10 FREE to Play Bingo and Slot machines on-line.

Well thank you but if you are so keen and would like to give me a FREE £10 then just send it through the post to me and I’ll gratefully accept it donate it to Charity.

Otherwise no thanks.

I appreciate being offered ‘Accident Advice’ but if I get injured I’ll go to the doctors or if it is urgent to Accident and Emergency where hopefully the medical advice will help me get better.

Now I like the occasional alcoholic drink and especially when in good company.

A nice pint of real ale, wine of all colours and hues is very welcome and if I overindulged every day I’d perhaps consider accepting the offer of ‘Alcohol Rehab’ to as it says ‘Break the addiction this year’.

But I’m afraid I’ll not be accepting because I enjoy it.


I do accept the fact that as I’ve grown older I haven’t perhaps spent enough time or care on my appearance but vanity especially when you look like me isn’t one of the deadly sins I’ve really taken seriously.

However the offers from ‘Beauty Labs to provide me with younger looking skin’, and ‘Top Plastic Surgeon – Beautiful Plastic Surgery Results Can Happen’ are intriguing.

As someone who is approaching 65 with a lifetime of working and playing sport I don’t think there is a Plastic Surgeon on the planet that could rectify the ravages of time.

And anyway I’m quite comfortable thank you with the way I’ve turned out and there is nothing worse, (and this is only my opinion) than someone of my age and experience trying to and pretending to be half their age.

So I’ll have to turn down you offer.

Prefer Debt Free Old Clothes and Porridge
Prefer Debt Free Old Clothes and Porridge

But what if I had accepted them all,

I’d be a 65-year-old who had beautiful young-looking skin cut, tucked and stretched making me look like a 30-year-old who would be admired by that young woman who seems to be at all of the Secret Escape Hotels.

I’d be a teetotaler who was pursuing through the courts those responsible for a number of my injuries and scars accumulated over the years.

At home I would be in the kitchen wearing my Nutella Apron whilst cooking a fantastic meal of the health food I bought with my Boots Voucher.

In the evening I would be on-line gambling on the slots and bingo with the money kindly loaned to me by Credit Card and quick Loan providers.

Sadly in turning them down I appear according to the offers to be missing out on a utopian lifestyle.

Never mind.

It’s back to no debt pay as you go and old clothes and porridge for me.