Make a Dick of Yourself – Not Your Country – Musings from Abroad


It is your democratic right to act like a 'dick' - but when it embarrases your Country?
It is your democratic right to act like a ‘dick’ – but when it embarrasses your Country?

Make a Dick of Yourself – Not Your Country – Musings from Abroad

After the really positive demonstration by the Scottish contingent of all that is good about people from the UK two things that have shown the other side of the Brits abroad.

Now I fully admit to sadly expecting Brits to show themselves up when in foreign climes so I don’t know why it still disappoints me, but it does.

The question is why is it that some people insist on removing whatever doubts there are about them by making themselves look like Dicks?

My apology to everyone called Richard but you know what I mean.

First off, and for crying out loud there are at least twenty of what can only be called ‘men of a certain age’ who insist on wearing speedo swimming trunks and by the way they strut around clearly think not only “I look so good” but as the Pub Landlord would put it,

“This is one for the ladies”

Well I have news for any man over the age of 25 whose belly is bigger than his chest and whose torso is a long way short of being Michelangelo’s David and more in need of a good ironing.


and not only aren’t they for you but they are an abomination to those around you.

Act your bloody age for goodness if not decorum’s sake,

You’re not Arnold Schwarzenegger or Frank Zane in their prime.

and I’m sorry to have to tell you but if you insist on making yourself look a dick can you at least pretend you’re German or Russian and not British please.

The second “look at me I’m a dick” incident took place in a cabaret where a comedian/conjuror was performing.

As seems to be the way with comedians today audience participation played a big part in the performance and the usual, ” have we got any – insert nationality– in the audience”

The English as you would expect on this cruise were the majority and faced jibes about being reserved followed by, and thank you Captain Cook, stick about the Ashes Debacle.

The Scot’s of course are a comedian’s favourite and if I never hear another jibe about deep-fried mars bars it will be too soon. They of course took it in good part as always.

The Irish then came under fire for apparently not being too bright?

It was all harmless humour which reinforced the stereotyping of whole nations delivered by a comedian in such a way that the audience weren’t offended by him.

I should perhaps say that the ‘act’ himself was from Cuba, though I suspect it was more like Salford.

It was when the act turned to the Welsh that the wheels came off the friendly if somewhat stale banter.

It started with the usual reference to sheep, rugby greats and every one being able to sing!!!


Heard it all before,

but generally speaking OK so far.

It was still going reasonably well until one obviously patriotic man declared to everyone that he was a

‘Real Welshman’

With the ability to speak in his native language.

The comedian asked him to enunciate the name of the most famous of stations that ends with ‘?!?!?!.

OK you know which one I mean,

and fair play he got a rousing round of applaud for being able to pronounce it.

Was he satisfied that he’d represented his nation with dignity and for them got a tremendous reception?

Of course he wasn’t and declared in English “that to all of the English present he would like to say”,

This is the point where asking me to write down what he said is impossible, it was all in Welsh and went on for about 15 seconds

or at least I think it was Welsh.

When asked what it meant he proudly announced to a round of applause from those with him,

it has to say one exception who I think by the look on her face was his wife, that what he had said was,

“Kiss My A**e”

Huge silence, embarrassment for him more than anything and swiftly moves on with the show.

I couldn’t help observe that the phrase is made up of 3 words and 10 letters that can be spoken in English in less than 1 second.

By taking 15 seconds he demonstrated why some may think of the Welsh as a load of windbags who liked nothing more than the sound of their own voice,

Why say in 3 words what you can say in 33?

I have no problem if the individual dislikes the English so much that he feels he even has to announce it to complete strangers 4,000 miles from the UK.

It is entirely his opinion which is fine.

What he and his entourage don’t, or perhaps they do realise, is that in speaking as he did and where he did he was also representing Wales and the Welsh people.

I’m not sure my Welsh friends would agree with him but it is interesting that like bigots through history he didn’t see or understand the impact it had on the majority of the audience.

I can only speak for myself when I say,

By all means if you want to make a dick of yourself carry on,

But don’t for crying out loud embarrass your Country.

It is a view I would express to anyone from the UK and it is just unfortunate that on this occasion it was someone from Wales.

As a footnote to this

I actually saw the man this afternoon by the swimming pool, and

Guess what he was wearing?